::txt me plz

I'm going to blatantly copy from Stephanie and transcribe a Conversation of the Day.
(I'm sorry, Steph, but imitation is the most sincere form of flattery ;] )

My brother Josh now has unlimited texting.
As noted on Twitter last evening, this translates to me falling out of my chair laughing on a much more frequent basis.

The following exchange took place last evening, after Danny Gokey's departure from American Idol.

JOSH: Danny got hosed!
ME: Haha! Totally! I think he'll be fine though
JOSH: I'd buy his record
ME: Me too! Plus, I may have a little crush on him. Just sayin'.
JOSH: Oh alright
ME: You have a mancrush on him. Admit it.
JOSH: I prefer the term "bromance"
ME: HAHAHA! Okay, Spencer Pratt
JOSH: Spencer Pratt is the hairiest turd on earth how dare you
ME: I apologize. If anyone called me Heidi Montag, I'd be gravely insulted. Although Spencer is worse because of his "creepy flesh-colored beard." (~Joel McHale)
JOSH: That's what happens when turds grow hair




(I'm still laughing.
Yes, I thoroughly enjoy the sophomoric scatological humor.
Who doesn't?)

::lessons

I hate to sound so clichéd, but since my diabetes diagnosis, I have learned so many valuable lessons.

I suppose the proverbial "swift kick in the ass" is perhaps one of the most educational events one can experience.

Here is what has meant the most to me, though:

I don't need to beat myself up about this.

I've had a lifelong struggle with self-hatred and self-defeating thoughts and behaviors, but I'm learning so very much about the ultimate futility of such unhealthy habits.
If I view these recent events from the most basic level, I see this: an area of my life was careening out of control, and I needed a wake-up call to take the reins and learn to care for myself.

And I've realized that allowing issues in our lives to spiral out of control, well, that seems to be the human condition.
I am not any "worse" than anyone else.
We're all trying to keep our lives "manageable" in all nooks and crannies; our health, our relationships, our vices, our jobs, our families, our emotions...and we all fail on a regular basis.

In my endeavors to become more physically healthy, I've learned that mostly everyone I know, heavy or thin or somewhere in between, is fighting this battle as well.

The fact is, it's difficult to eat healthily and to exercise regularly, and from what I've found, it's difficult for most people.
Temptation is everywhere - especially in America where we seem to worship convenience and instant gratification - and "fat" people like me (although I prefer the word "thick" ;) ) aren't the only ones who struggle with it.

I feel so soothed and comforted by the fact that I'm far from alone on this strenous pilgrimage.

::my mom, the Grandmom

I have always known, on one level or another, that my mother is an exceptionally nurturing person.
But over the course of these past nine months, watching her with her first grandchild - my niece Emma - has transported me to an entirely fresh dimension of appreciation.
Whether it's a lazy spring afternoon on the porch or a long ride to Myrtle Beach in a mini-van, Mom's compassion and concern for Emma are ever-present and beautiful.


I remember hearing once,
If you ever feel curious about how your parents cared for you, watch them with your children.
Watching my mother's abundant joy and uninhibited adoration of Emma has become one of my favorite pastimes.

::huit choses

When I'm devoid of fodder for a good narrative, I must resort to lists.
I apologize.
But they're kind of fun.

8 Things I look forward to:
1. My week at Lake Louise in July
2. The dvd release of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Season 7
3. Getting a job
4. Annie's visit this summer
5. Meeting Rowan Oliver Holmes, my friends' new baby
6. Making my niece's 1st birthday present
7. "Around the House" nights @ Trinity House Theatre
8. Finishing my new poem

8 Things I did yesterday:
1. Went to my brother's house to baby-sit my niece
2. Bought a sugar-free iced vanilla latte
3. Watched Jeopardy!
4. Ate dinner at Red Devil
5. Read The Flint Journal
6. Texted a few Twitters
7. Bought new windshield wipers (thank God!)
8. Received a text - complete w/ newborn baby picture - from a wrong number

8 things I wish I could do:
1. Enjoy exercise
2. Visit Europe
3. Play the guitar
4. Travel often
5. Go to Target without buying anything
6. Hate all unhealthy food
7. Live in an exciting city
8. Own a Newfoundland

8 Shows I watch:
1. The Office
2. 30 Rock
3. Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory
4. CSI: New York
5. Gilmore Girls
6. Seinfeld
7. The Mentalist
8. Ellen

::diagnosis

Before I left for Myrtle Beach, I had some blood drawn at the doctor's office.

During vacation, I received a call that my blood sugar had tested very high.

On Thursday, the doctor told me that I'm diabetic.

I knew I had risk factors (obesity, family history, etc.) , so it wasn't a complete shock, and I also know it's a very manageable condition. Also, in the grand scheme of Things That Could Be Wrong With Me, I know it's very mild.

Still, it struck me with a swift, forceful punch.

I've also been very sick for several days with some mysterious respiratory ailment, which the Dr. thought may be pneumonia, but I couldn't afford the chest X-Ray to confirm it.

Sooo...in between the coughing spells and blowing my nose every two minutes, I've had lots of time to ponder and ruminate, and I've realized that this diagnosis was one that I needed.

Whatever else it is - frightening, sad, confusing, upsetting, slightly devastating - I've decided that it's actually going to yield positive results.

I've known - and secretly wished for - a "wake-up call" for quite a while now, and a large part of me is grateful for its receipt.

The other part of me? Scared to death.

::PB + J? Sooo passé

Tonight we went out to dinner at River City Cafe.

I decided to be (uncharacteristically) adventurous.
I ordered the Peanut Butter Burger.
I was understandably apprehensive.


Guess what?
It was shockingly delicious.

::rite of passage

I don't feel small very often.

I inhabit a large body, and generally feel like a hulking behemoth in most everyday moments.

Lee Ann Womack's song I Hope You Dance, while dismissed by many as sentimental, saccharine drivel, contains a lyric that has long intrigued me.

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean...

Yesterday morning, for the very first time, I finally stood beside the ocean.




I felt small.
So very small.

And I loved it.