Tuesday, May 17, 2011

::job-lookin' rant

I have just spent four hours in Panera, searching and applying for jobs online.
Frustration abounds.
My tolerance for tedium has overgrown its boundaries.

If you are not a job-seeker, let me break it down for you:

Oh, you want to apply for this job?
Go to our company website.
Click on 50 different categories until you find "Job openings."
Upload your resume.
Now, fill in your full, 200-question profile.
Type in every last teeny-tiny slot, giving us all the information that your resume already provides.
Now, choose a username.
Sorry! Choose a different one.
Now, choose a password.
Verify your password.
Sorry! Choose a new password.
Verify your new password.
Check your email for a verification.
Tell us what you did at your last job.
Why did you leave?
Explain why you didn't work for more a week.
Tell us what you did at the job before that.
Why did you leave?
Explain why you're a loser who can't find a job.
Home phone?
Work phone?
Cell phone?
Preferred phone?
Home address?
Current address?
Work address?
Confirmation numbers?
Please verify your account with us...

We're sorry, your account cannot be verified.
Please clear your schedule for the next two hours, re-enter all information, and try again.


Congratulations! Your online application has been submitted.
You have now been reduced to slices of text on a monitor screen.
Unless we know you or anyone else who knows you at all, you will never hear from us.
Thank you.
Have a splendid day.

Thursday, May 5, 2011


I love taking care of my friends' animals.
The past year has given me more "gigs" in this arena than I can even label with numbers.

The older I become, the more animals fascinate me, and the more I relish the discovery of their quirks and personalities.

Pippin, the Maltese:

My dear, sweet Pippin is the dog who consoled me during a very painful break-up last spring. Seriously.
I wrote a poem about it.
He is my canine Muse.
He is one chivalrous little gentleman.

Cassie, the neurotic-yet-very-sweet-and-lovable Papillon:

Cassie is a quirky, diminutive little companion I can lift up with one hand, which is convenient because she demands to be everywhere with me.
Her presence is truly a comforting blessing.

Matilda - "Mattie" - my friend Kim's beautiful, sweet kitty:

She loves to venture outdoors for all manner of mysterious shenanigans, even during the frigid winter months.
When she's inside, she likes to linger near me, just out of reach, often adorably bashful and elusive.

Pumpkin, the cat who loves my purse:

Pumpkin's connection with me is somewhat mysterious, as she rarely "warms up" to anyone. Her owners, my dear friends Susan and Lloyd, have been amazed at Pumpkin's friendly spirit toward me; she sleeps with me and cannot stand to have my attention directed anywhere else when she's in my room. If I'm reading, she literally covers the book (or the laptop keyboard) with her paws, stares at me, and purrs irresistibly.
Her unexpected alliance with me has earned me the title of The Cat Whisperer.

Is there such a thing as a Professional Pet-sitter?
And if so, can I please become one?


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