Tuesday, May 17, 2011

::job-lookin' rant

I have just spent four hours in Panera, searching and applying for jobs online.
Frustration abounds.
My tolerance for tedium has overgrown its boundaries.

If you are not a job-seeker, let me break it down for you:

Oh, you want to apply for this job?
Awesome!
Go to our company website.
Click on 50 different categories until you find "Job openings."
Upload your resume.
Now, fill in your full, 200-question profile.
Type in every last teeny-tiny slot, giving us all the information that your resume already provides.
Now, choose a username.
Sorry! Choose a different one.
Now, choose a password.
Verify your password.
Sorry! Choose a new password.
Verify your new password.
Check your email for a verification.
Tell us what you did at your last job.
Why did you leave?
Explain why you didn't work for more a week.
Tell us what you did at the job before that.
Why did you leave?
Explain why you're a loser who can't find a job.
Home phone?
Work phone?
Cell phone?
Preferred phone?
Email?
Home address?
Current address?
Work address?
Certifications?
Confirmation numbers?
Please verify your account with us...


We're sorry, your account cannot be verified.
Please clear your schedule for the next two hours, re-enter all information, and try again.

OR

Congratulations! Your online application has been submitted.
You have now been reduced to slices of text on a monitor screen.
Unless we know you or anyone else who knows you at all, you will never hear from us.
Thank you.
Have a splendid day.

5 comments:

Scot said...

Would you like my job?

ZSB said...

??
Are you no longer teacher?

Αναστασία said...

Scot -- Thank you, but I imagine yours would be awfully big shoes to fill.

Zach -- Yes, I'm still a teacher, but it's only part-time and the school year is over now, so I need something for summer.

Scot said...

My job is now available (sort of) as I was pink-slipped.

alli.phed said...

o my gosh it is so true. take up bartending. they're always looking for people :)

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