Friday, August 6, 2010

::you talkin' to me?

Lately it seems I think a lot about conflict.
It is 2:37 a.m. as I sit to process this.
Hence, conflict = insomnia.

I hate it.
Despise it.
I will spare no expense to scurry away from its talons.

Sometimes, however, it catches me.
And then I am forced to engage in confrontation.
It's never pretty.

But it's ugly for peculiar reasons.
I cower in the face of any accusatory anger, and spray it with apology after apology until its flames are completely drowned.

The problem is, I do this even when I don't need to apologize.
It could be that the other person has grossly mistreated me, and is still emotionally abusive enough to suggest that I provoked them.
Even if I know I've done nothing wrong, I still apologize.
I kowtow.
No matter how much you've hurt me, I will gladly admit guilt and full responsibility, if only for the sake of temporary truce.
Even if it is, in truth, as useless as sticking a tiny Band-Aid on a broken leg.

I'm a coward.
I must learn to defend myself against disrespect and voice my displeasure at undeserved, unprovoked cruelty.

Turning the other cheek is one thing.

Allowing oneself to be repeatedly abused, is quite another.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

::let's rivet this

"You should blog more."

I have heard this multiple times now.
I suppose it's high time I push past the neurotic perfectionism and Give The People What They Want.

Lately I have been approached with a very humbling opportunity, which is an invitation to work on the church bulletins with one of the most gracious people I've ever met.
Ann is a talented, thoughtful, creative Force of Nature.

My church's liturgy is very intentional, very specific.
It's a shame that it doesn't include something like Random Prayers of Thanksgiving.
I'd write one like this:

Thank You, O Lord, for the gentle hues of blue contained in the expansive ceiling over traffic backups and natural disasters.
Thank You for the moments when even the simple glint of an earring can remind us of the brightest Light.
Thank you for the sight of toddlers squabbling over the possession of plastic french fries.
Thank You for the moment when icy water touches our tongues on days when we fear we will never escape the swelter.
Thank You for the random paintings hanging in restaurants that burrow into our psyches and render us amazed.
Thank You for the sweetness of a long-awaited embrace, the tenderness of a brush of lips against an unsuspecting cheek.
Thank You for the laughter that penetrates to our very core, forcing us to drink in the splendor of joy, of wonder, of Being.
Thank You for the countless ways in which we recognize You every day, and have mercy on us for neglecting to thank You for each one.


Related Posts with Thumbnails