Monday, March 21, 2011

::awry


I may have had a "date" several weeks ago.

And it may have been miserable.

A few things he may have said during the encounter:

"No offense, but your profile picture kinda freaked me out."

-- No offense to you, sir, but your actual face kinda freaks me out.

"That coupon you got for a free drink? Give it to me. I mean, I did pay. "

-- I'm aware that Panera is considered higher-end fast food. However, you're being very George-Costanza-esque about this. Not cool.

"You dated a black guy? Do you know that not even black women like dating black guys? Don't do that. "

-- I have no words, people. No words.

"I can't think of any Protestants or Catholics that I actually have any respect for. That's the problem with being Orthodox."

-- Right, Orthodox. I'm sure that's the problem.

=====

Something he may have said in a message, after the hideous ordeal was over:

"I find you very attractive. But in the long run, I would not be comfortable with your weight. I'd be happy to work on it with you. Let me know."

WHOA.
Okay...I am the first to admit that I've struggled with my weight for most of my life, and it's still an uphill battle.
But for you, a virtual stranger, to say such a thing, is outrageously uncalled for.
If I had to venture a guess, I'd say that roughly 99.9% of American women are sensitive about their weight, whether they're thick or thin or somewhere in between.

And even if I did want to "work on my weight" with someone, it would NOT be you.
Just sayin'.

And in the long run, I would not be comfortable with your...well, your whole repugnant personality, really.

Epilogue:

I haven't heard from him at all.
I'm not upset about that.


4 comments:

GingerMandy said...

oh my god. I want to stab the living crap out of him. This reminds me of the guy that scratched his head with my fork and asked me where we would have sex since we both live with our parents.

Oy.

Men.

Can't live with em, can't tie em to the back of a truck and drag em down a gravel road, either.

Erin said...

"And in the long run, I would not be comfortable with your...well, your whole repugnant personality, really."

Classic.

ZSB said...

Hmmm... Didn't the original George Costanza actual convert to Orthodoxy in order to be able to date one of its adherents? Did this guy happen to pull a pastry off the top of the trash can and eat it as well?

What a douche canoe. Tell me that you e-mailed him the URL to this post... or accidentally send me his facebook page and I'll make sure he sees it...

Also: your profile picture is awesome, you're GORGEOUS (and, with the possible exception of the mullet year, always have been), and anyone who thinks they're doing you any kind of favor by dating you must have spent decades at the leading edge of drudge experimentation.

What a zero. No one will be at his funeral.

Αναστασία said...

Mandy, THANK YOU so much for helping me laugh about this! You are SO hilarious!
Some guy scratched his head with your fork?! Holy CRAP, that is hideous behavior.

===

Erin, Ha ha,thanks! I'm glad you appreciated that!

===

Zach, HA HA! Excellent point about the original Costanza! "Adjacent to refuse, is refuse."

Thanks for introducing me to the term "douche canoe." I think it suits him perfectly.

Thank you for telling that I'm "GORGEOUS." I'm slowly arriving at the point where it's possible to believe that, and every little bit of encouragement is helpful. And seriously, the mullet years were not my finest hour. ;)

"No one will be at his funeral"...HA HA!
Boom. Roasted.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails