::tumblin' threads

I'm a little late to the party on Tumblr.
Oh well.
Better late than never, I s'pose.

Recently I watched Young Adult, and was amazed at how Charlize Theron - one of the most physically beautiful women I've ever seen - could portray such a profoundly ugly person.
Also, Patton Oswalt, who I find absolutely hilarious as a comic, has some impressive acting chops.

He holds his own, spars with the masters, and emerges victorious.
He's the most sympathetic character in the whole story.

This film was written by Diablo Cody, whose writing I still thoroughly enjoy every time I watch Juno.
I love to watch great storytellers collaborate to unspool a fascinating tale.

::transitory

The last four weeks have been a flurry of blurry transitions.

 First, I suddenly and painfully moved out of the Detroit house.
 There were legitimate reasons and extenuating circumstances.
 Things happen in life, dear reader.
 And sometimes they suck.
 (Ask me privately. I'll explain.)

 So, I'm back in my hometown.
 Good old Holly.
 Hooray?

 A few days later, I was blessed with a new baby niece. Lilee Adelia.

I adore her already.
She's now 3.5 weeks old, and growing healthier, stronger, and cuter by the day.
What a precious gift.

Some lovely and beautiful news arrived again, as we learned that my dad will be Resident Director of Camp Lake Louise this summer!
YYYYYEEEESSSSSSS!! 

Words cannot contain my joy and gratitude for this.

Despite a few curveballs, I'm hangin' in there.
Blessings abound. 

::twenty eleven

I like to answer some questions from this survey whenever it's end-of-year season.
At best, it's a tool that helps me realize how much my life has truly changed and moved forward, thereby defeating my tendencies toward feelings of frustration and stagnancy. 
====
What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
-- moved to Detroit, visited St. Joseph & Lake Michigan, got an iPhone, acted in a staged reading, lived in community with friends, worked with Special Needs adults @ Camp Lake Louise, wrote press releases for new novels, had a job interview in Grand Rapids, saw a concert at DTE...many more, I'm sure...

Did anyone close to you give birth?
-- Yes! My friend April had an adorable baby girl named Emelyn.

What date(s) from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
-- December 23, because it was the day of Jeremy Combs' funeral. 

What was the best gift you received?
-- My new-to-me computer for Christmas, a refurbished HP laptop. I'm very grateful. 

Where did most of your money go?
-- Gasoline, I suspect

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
-- My niece turning 3, spending so much time at Camp Lake Louise, my new pastor's arrival, the "Dance 'Til Dawn" movie night @ Zach and Erin's house

What song will always remind you of 2011?
-- The Beatles' "Oh Darlin'" 

What do you wish you'd done more of?
-- Keeping in touch with friends 

What do you wish you'd done less of?
-- Worrying, stressing, wasting time 

How did you spend Christmas?
-- My family spent Christmas Eve day together, then went to my parents' church, and the next morning, my parents came to church with me and we had dinner at Buca di Beppo...delicious! 

What was your favorite TV program?
-- Parks and Recreation

What was the best book you read?
-- Soul Pancake: Chew on Life's Big Questions ~ Rainn Wilson

What was your greatest musical discovery?
-- nervous but excited

What was your favorite film of this year?
-- I didn't see enough great ones...but I did love The Help 

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
-- I was 35. I went out to eat with my family & my friend Tim @ Red Devil (delicious!), then the next day, we had our Sunday night youth group at Buddy's Pizza, which turned out to be such a fantastic dinner...aaaand then I ended the day with a ferocious gallbladder attack. But let's not focus on that. 

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
-- Layers, scarves, jewelry, and color; mainly purple. I tend to wear lots of black because it's "slimming," but I'm learning to mix in brighter colors and creatively accessorize. 

What kept you sane?
-- Music, writing, reading, and long talks in dive bars with close friends 

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
-- Kevin Smith, probably...I listen to his podcast network every day 

Who did you miss?
-- My late grandparents

Who was the best new person you met?
-- Kimberly's brother Kyle and his wife Emily, and my new pastor, Phil Apol and his family 

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
-- Faith can be both a very healing force, and/or a very dangerous liability. 

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

All of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am 
So many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am 
But these stories don't mean anything when you've got no one to tell them to 
It's true
I was made for you 

~Brandi Carlile

::restore

On the first Sunday of Advent, my new pastor read a quote from Quaker writer Parker Palmer,
"The insight at the heart of nonviolence is that we live in a tragic gap - a gap between the way things are and the way we know they might be...we must learn to stand in the tragic gap, faithfully holding the tension between reality and possibility." 

I have learned this year, perhaps for the first time, that Advent is a season of profound longing. 

I have one friend whose newborn baby has a rare, aggressive form of cancer.
His tiny fragile body must soon undergo chemotherapy.
I read my friend's updates on Facebook, and I stare at the screen and weep. 

I have another friend whose 22-year-old son died suddenly of an aneurysm last weekend. 

His funeral is tomorrow, and I will be there alongside my parents as we watch our precious friend bury his son.

I sit with the horror of this pain, knowing it reflects so much more of its kind, worldwide.

And I know I speak for many when I cannot help but ask, Why at Christmas, of all times?

And the answer comes back, over and over, because this is why God became human in the first place.
This is why we enter into Advent.
This is why we wait.

Jesus was born into a world where the king wanted to kill him, and therefore ordered the slaughter of all male children under the age of two.
Mary and Joseph were trapped in a lonely cave with livestock, without their families or friends, devoid of rejoicing voices.

This is the same world that God created and entered; the one that He passionately believed to be worth saving.

We cannot reverse what has gone so horribly wrong.
We can only cry out to the One who makes Restoration possible.

Even if our prayers are bumbling and threadbare at best...

I'm SO angry, and so terribly sad, and I don't understand any bit of this primordial stew of suffering.  
But please, please help. 
We need the comfort, love, and peace that only You can bring. 
Amen. 

::thefridayfive

Post a picture of the following and explain:

1. Yourself.
Do you like having your picture taken? Why or why not?
Do you have a "good side"?

I don't generally enjoy having my picture taken, no. 

Unless I'm taking it myself. 

And yes, there are angles and "sides" that are much more flattering than others. 

Any angle or viewpoint I can find that hides my raging double chin? That's a winner. 

2. Your pet(s).
What are their names?

I live in a house with pets, yes. 
I wouldn't say that they're mine, necessarily, but I do love them as my own. 
Pippin is the dog, a Maltese whom I sometimes believe is the Cutest Thing on Earth. 

And there are two cats, Peg-a-leg (she's got 3 legs) and Pumpkin, the latter of whom is ordinarily very shy, but has somehow warmed up to me. 

She stands at my door and meows when she wants attention and cuddles. I love it. 

3. Your favourite vacation spot.
Describe exactly where the picture is taken.
What's special about this place?

Myrtle Beach, SC in 2009 was the best vacation I've ever had. 

The photo above was taken at dawn on the first morning of our visit, from the balcony of our condo on the 11th floor. 

I had never been to the ocean before, and felt therefore mesmerized by its beauty, its sounds, its sheer magnitude and overpowering presence. 

Plus, my niece Emma was the most adorable beach babe ever. 

4. Your bedroom or favourite room in your home.
Explain or tell a story about some of the items in the room.

My favorite "room" is actually the backyard patio + garden. 
It's a beautiful and tranquil spot, ideal for reading, writing, visiting with loved ones and summer soirees.
I have written many a poignant word in this garden, and hope to write many more. 

5. One of your favorite pictures of all time, whether for artistic or sentimental reasons.
Why is this picture special to you?

This is Emma at Camp Lake Louise, and I love it so much because it captures an evening that was so special, so precious; one I shared with my dear friend Robin and my family.
The sun was just lilting downward in the sky as we walked out on the sandbar.
My brother Josh threw sticks out into the lake for the dogs to fetch, and Emma ran after them too.
We laughed so hard we cried, the dusky cornucopia of color enveloped us, my soul swelled with Love, and my heart fell prostrate with gratitude. 

::le sigh

Today's been rough. 

I'm in a mood. 

A funk, if you will.
My emotions match the outdoor ambience. 

What ails me is nothing extraordinary; just the everyday business of living, really. 
I so deeply treasure the gift of communication, and it can be devastating when others do not. 

It's a tough road sometimes when you're easygoing and considered "nice," because people figure they can do whatever they want, and you won't mind.
You don't have any preferences, and even if you do, they're infinitely flexible; certainly nothing to be taken seriously.
You finally start to assert yourself, lend a voice to your flimsy feelings, and they think it's cute. Comical.
They look at you the way they might at a kitten wearing a tiger costume.

A friend in college said to me one year, "I hate the holidays. They're so depressing."
And I remember regarding him with a puzzled, pained expression and asking with just the right note of annoying naïveté, "Why?"

The older I get, the more I understand why. 

::barstucks

I'm sitting in Starbucks, and there are lovely window-cling snowflakes everywhere.
I know lots of folks who scorn the perceived tyranny and highway robbery of Starbucks.
I understand that.
But I love their coffee. Always have, always will.
I also love the friendly employees and the wide array of characters who saunter through its doors.
Also, I have a long-standing affinity for their holiday drinks.
Peppermint Mocha seems overstuffed with some sort of narcotic.
Gingerbread latte? Oh jeez. Delicious.

I've been asked to write a spoken-word performance piece for a Christmas concert.
I have ideas, and I think it could shape up to be something special.
But I'm still nervous, like always.
What if I can't finish it? 
What if I end up writing something awash with cliches that everyone has already heard a million times? 
What if it's sub-par and everyone gets disappointed? 
What if I try really hard and still can't piece it together so it makes perfect sense? 

UGH.
Self-doubt is a stubborn, cruel bastard.
I know it doesn't come from any healthy places.
I need to pray for its eradication.