-- Where is your Mother?
I'm pretty sure she's at home, in Holly.
Although she's not watching my niece today so she may be, as my Canadian friends would say, "oot and aboot."
Maybe at Wal*Mart.
Or TJ Maxx. She loves it there.
-- Where is your Father?
My best guess: taking a nap.
He has the weirdest sleep schedule of anyone ever, besides maybe Leonardo da Vinci.
The poor guy has chronic insomnia and wakes up around 2 am every day.
He needs a daily nap.
-- Where were you born?
At McLaren Hospital in Flint, Michigan.
And now I live in Detroit, which is actually less dangerous than Flint.
Funny how these things pan out.
--How many days until your birthday?
44.
I'm trying to make plans already.
Operative word: trying.
I hate when people are non-committal jerkfaces.
-- What is the closest orange object to you?
A bottle of leftover Vicodin.
I like to keep it around for emergencies...you know, like those migraines that feel like a wrecking ball slamming against my skull.
-- How many books are in your room?
Not enough.
I have yet to undertake the grandiose task of moving my entire personal library to my new residence.
Dude, it's gonna be rough.
-- Who is your favorite teacher of all time?
Jill Armistead.
She was my favorite literature professor in college.
She had tremendous warmth, compassion, intellect, and a crazy awesome Scottish brogue.
I miss her.
-- Name one of your goals for this year?
I need a job. Jay oh bee.
Also, I'd like to submit a few poems for publication.
But I've been saying that for like five years now, so maybe it's not so likely.
-- What is the biggest trouble you have ever been in?
In 2003, I was in a car accident wherein I dislocated my hip.
Some douchey cop followed the ambulance to the hospital so he could write me a ticket for not wearing my seatbelt.
Hey, jerkface? My leg is out of its socket. I think I may have learned my lesson.
-- Did you cry when Michael Jackson died?
I did.
I was at a movie with my friend when it happened, and when I got home and saw the news, I cried.
He was sublimely talented and yet so tragically troubled.
The sorrow of it all just kind of crashed into me at that moment.
-- What does your 9th message on your phone say?
"Okay babe"
-- Are you scared about the end of the world?
Not really.
If I thought about it more often, I probably would be.
-- Is there a TV in the room you are in?
Yes.
It's an old-school TV/VCR combo.
I watched Liar Liar on it the other day.
Good times.
-- Do you usually hold your pee for a long time?
As a matter of fact, yes.
Even though, as an avid Seinfeld watcher, I did learn from George Costanza that "holding it in is bad for the kidneys."
That guy claimed to read medical journals a lot.
-- Worst feeling in the world?
When I am 100% sure that vomiting is imminent.
I cannot even move.
-- Name something you think is pointless?
Cheerleading.
Also, why do people cheer for games that they're watching on television?
If you're there, in person, it makes sense to voice your encouragement, I suppose... but at home or in a bar, you know they can't hear you, right?
It's just obnoxious.
-- Favorite fast food restaurant?
Does Panera count?
If not, then I'd have to go with Arby's.
Their chicken salad sandwich is an evil temptress.
-- Did you have a weird dream last night?
Not that I remember.
I have a strange habit of dreaming about famous people, though...like a couple weeks ago in dreamland, I was on a date with Russell Brand.
He was a perfect gentleman.
-- Do you wish at 11:11?
No, I'm not terribly superstitious.
But I think I will certainly enjoy the two occasions of 11:11 on 11/11/11.
